This lesson has been the hardest one to learn. It's not a secret that I have struggled with so many things in my life the past few years. For those who may not know, I'll fill you in on the basic outline. In 2015, everything felt right. I was teaching French and Public Speaking, I was in Paris TWICE. Once in January for a training trip and then to take a group of students and adults to Paris for a tour. When we got back, reviveIndiana was gaining momentum and headed for Fort Wayne.
The three weeks of reviveIndiana was amazing and we saw God move like never before and learned so many new ministry lessons. We were stretched and challenged to walk in new and exciting areas of faith. I know I heard God clearly lead me to the call-out for missionaries. I went, filled out the application, prayed about it with Joe and we were excited for this next season of our lives.
Training was in October. God provided and opened doors every step of the way. We started to engage in the local reviveIN group and fundraise for our missionary budget. Things were going great, albeit challenging being in uncharted territory. In April the following year, I found out I was pregnant with our surprise blessing. My oldest was 14, and my twins were 9... and here we were. I was automatically high risk being an insulin dependent. I was seeing a team of about 5 different doctors throughout the pregnancy, in and out of the hospital and doing the best I could to keep up with our chaotic life. Timmy was born at 32 weeks (2 months prematurely) in October, 2016. I almost died during delivery. He fought for his life daily and we almost lost him a few times. Three traumatic months in the NICU broke me.
Due to Timmy having special needs (a G-Tube, developmental delays later diagnosed as Autism, and other medical complications), we felt it was necessary to step down from ministry for a season. I had so many questions and I was utterly crushed. This was not what I was supposed to be doing. This wasn't part of the plan! God never told me anything about another baby. Why would He call me to something, only to take me away from it? As much as we love our children, why would God give us this situation?
In the midst of doctor's appointments, school for the kids and I, trying desperately to keep our heads above water, stay on top of insurance, bills, and paperwork, Joe contracted an infection and was off work for almost a year. Being diabetic as well, we did our best to take care of his needs on top of all else but ended up having to have surgery to amputate a toe. He went through 2 months of treatment in an oxygen chamber to help his body fight the infection. Once again I was faced with the question, "What are you doing, God?" I wasn't in a "Why me?" position. I simply wanted to be filled in on the plan that God had for my life seeing that I was the active participant in it. "What do you want from me?"
I have continued to struggle with this. Then in February, we finally saw one promise of God fulfilled in the most amazing way. A NEW HOUSE! We moved in to the most perfect house for us. We are in awe of God's love for us. I was able to start this garden and just sit and heal from all the wounds that have been inflicted over the past 5 years.
Having shared all this, I wanted you to see where I am coming from. "Why would God do all this to take it away? What does He want from me?" The answer was such a relief as well as my undoing (in a good way).
I was researching each vegetable I was planting in our garden. One of the families is the vining plants such as squash, zucchini, cucumbers, pumpkins, watermelons, etc. That particular day, I was researching the zucchini and yellow squash. (Full shameless plug, I am absolutely obsessed with the MIgardner on Youtube. Luke Marion is awesome and you should totally check him out if you are into gardening or thinking about getting into gardening.) So Luke was talking about how these plants will spread out and start to choke out other plants. The remedy for that was to stake the main stem and allow them to climb. They can climb upwards of 6 to 10 feet! That was cool to see! They have strong roots, and tendrils that will cling to the stakes for support. However, the flowers will flower UNDER all the leaves. The foliage is absolutely gorgeous! Lush green bushes of leaves that look fantastic... if you want a bunch of green leaves. I, on the other hand, want squash and zucchini in my kitchen. Then he said something that didn't make sense to me at first. PRUNE THE LEAVES. Leaves that hang down to the ground at the bottom can get fungus or disease have to go. Big leaves that will take up space from the plants around it, cutting them off from the nutrients of the sun also have to go. Big leaves also hide flowers from the pollinators (bees, butterflies, etc) which is not good either. Up to about 40% of the leaves have to go to solve all these problems.
God immediately began to speak to my spirit. When MIgardner said, "We're not trying to grow big pretty leaves. We want big, beautiful fruit. Getting rid of the the extra pretty leaves will allow the plant to be healthier and avoid disease, show the flowers off to attract the pollinators, allow good airflow to the roots, and allow the plants to put more of the energy from water, nutrients, and sun into the fruit instead of having to sustain these huge, pretty leaves." [Paraphrasing here... you can check out his video on his Youtube page.] That was a LOT to take in so I want to break it down briefly. I know God may show you more into your own life, and I pray He does, but I want to just share a few of the revelations He gave me.
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| BIG LEAVES! |
1.) God is not interested in our big pretty leaves. He is looking for mature plants that will spend their energy on producing GOOD FRUIT! Some of us are so busy growing big pretty leaves that will impress people as they walk by, saying "Wow, that's beautiful." Underneath all that foliage is rotten fruit and diseased flowers (called blossom end rot!) God will ALWAYS prune good HEALTHY leaves when they begin to take the plant's focus away from producing fruit!
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| 2nd Harvest! |
2.) Some of us have allowed our leaves to get so big that we start choking out the plants around us. God reminded me that I don't want JUST yellow squash. I also want to harvest zucchini, kale, cabbage, cucumbers, peppers, tomatoes, and so on! We tend to be consumed with our leaves and our fruit that we discredit the plants around us and the fruit they have to offer. God values them as well and sometimes will clip our leaves in a specific spot so that the plant next to us can flourish and produce good fruit too!
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| Pruned. See the flowers?!? |
3.) We NEED our pollinators! Yes, the bees can sting. I know! I am allergic to them. However, we need them to produce fruit. God began to speak to me about the essential elements. You can plant the seed, and watch it grow. You can water it, put it in the perfect dirt and sunlight. It will produce a great looking plant. But without pollination, there will be no fruit. In Acts, Jesus told His disciples that He would send the Holy Spirit to us. In Luke 11, He even compares this to getting food! He told the disciples that they would need this power to be witnesses. Witnesses to others to make disciples so that they can receive life-altering salvation and the love of the Father as well as the gift of the Holy Spirit and fire, the power to become witnesses. All of this is to bear good fruit. He went as far as to say, if you have no fruit, you are of no use but they will know what kind of plant we are by our fruit! The Holy Spirit will lead us, guide us in all truth, convict us (the stinging part), and correct us. He will impart the Gifts of the Spirit as He sees fit so that the power of God can be seen. ALL OF THIS to grow GOOD FRUIT!
My heart is so full from a simple Youtube video. God is awesome how He uses simple things to teach us the mysteries of Heaven.
I challenge you to CAREFULLY consider what I have shared. Pruning hurts. It's ugly. The plant isn't as full and pretty as it used to be. But the fruit is full, sweet, and bountiful throughout the whole season. When we allow God to prune us, we can know that He will not allow us to be destroyed but will continue to cultivate us as we grow, mature, and produce good fruit that will then produce seeds for other new plants to grow.
I love you and I want you to remember that God loves you so much more! I am praying for you as we go through this difficult season of pruning together. It will all be worth it when the harvest comes in and the banquet is laid before us at the Marriage Supper of the Lamb.
”What father among you, if his
son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent; 12 or if he
asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? 13 If you then, who are evil, know
how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father
give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”
Luke 11:11-13 (ESV) (Also see Matthew 7:7-11)
“But you
will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my
witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.” Acts 1:8 (ESV)
“For no good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear good fruit, 44 for each tree is known by its own fruit. For figs are not gathered from thorn bushes, nor are grapes picked from a bramble bush. 45 The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” Luke 6:43-45 (ESV)
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